Boulder Dog

     In Sadie’s ideal world strangers don’t look at her much less stare at her. They don’t reach out to pet her. Definitely they don’t jostle her ears. They all go about their business as if Sadie wasn’t there, except, of course, they don’t bump into her or step on her paws. Sadie, naturally, can do as she pleases, sniffing strangers’ hands and shoes and investigating pant cuffs without anyone misinterpreting her ample curiosity as an invitation for a pat on the head. 

     I totally get this. I don’t like to be stared at either. And strangers patting me – anywhere on my body? Not so much. 

     Sadie’s Rules for House Guests are pretty much the same. “Ignore me please while I take my measure of you and decide if I want to get closer. I might sniff you and choose to lie down near you, neither of which means I want you waving your paw at me trying to pet my cute little head. You’ll know if I’m interested in your making nice on me if I sit down in front you. If you are so chosen, then you may caress my shoulder or scratch my chest. Soft strokes on my neck are good also. If I stand close to you, then you may smoothly stroke my back. Just keep you paws off my head! My head is off limits to all but ‘my special people.’” 

     I think it’s all about trust and self-confidence, neither of which Sadie has in abundance. The more she can size a person up on her own terms without them violating her space the more she begins to trust them and feel safe. This in turn feeds her self-confidence and sense of being in control — she gets to make the first overture — which allows her to relax and enjoy herself. 

     I totally get this also. 

     I’m reminded of high school dating. This is not a fond memory. Maybe I just picked the wrong guys to go out with, but my recollection is that I spent far too many movies and parties parrying with overly forward dates. I didn’t trust them, I wasn’t relaxed and I had about as much fun as a hamster crossing paths with a boa constrictor. 

     How did I learn Sadie’s rules of engagement? She taught me with her behavior. Ducking away from waving hands, barking at people who stared at her unblinkingly (some do, it’s really weird), leaving the room when houseguests came over and not returning until they left. All were sure signs of discomfort. 

     Then there were times when strangers or guests didn’t pay any attention to Sadie for whatever reason. I noticed Sadie would perk up and sniff them and their belongings. Sometimes she would sit or stand next to them. Typically when she did this people would respond by absent-mindedly reaching out and touching her. If Sadie stayed put (indicating she was enjoying the stroking) I would give Sadie a treat or hand one to the person to give to Sadie to further reinforce her confident behavior.

     Sadie’s a very clear communicator. I wish I had been a faster learner since it’s my responsibility to inform people of Sadie’s rules and be the enforcer if necessary. But, after months, nay years (How dull of me is that?); we finally have the program down. 

     Just last Wednesday our dog-loving friend, John, came over to play Go with Ira. (Wondering what Go is? Click here.)

     John and Sadie have met several times, but he’s not yet one of ‘her people’ so, and especially because I wasn’t going to be there when John arrived, I thought Sadie’s Rules for House Guests should be in force. John and I exchanged a series of emails in which I explained Sadie’s Rules and John probed with questions like: 

Are you asking me not to pet her under any circumstances, regardless of what she does? I was thinking of, after a certain amount of time, trying lying down on my back (to appear curious and non-threatening), and if she came close enough to my head, reaching slowly up to let her sniff my hand & perhaps let me pet her. 

Of course, if you think this wouldn’t be a good idea, I can stoutly ignore her the entire evening. 

     I laughed. John loves dogs and he was obviously really thinking this through! 

     Upon arriving home, what did I find? Sadie standing next to John thoroughly enjoying her back being stroked. 

     “Wow! That’s great! How did this happen?” 

     John told me that he had ignored Sadie when he arrived and that while he was focused on the game he was playing with Ira, Sadie started to hang around him. 

     “I just reached out to pet her without really thinking about it.” 

     I gave John some freeze-dried bison lung. 

Sadie rules!

Tags: Behavior, Dog behavior, Dog greeting behavior, Fearful dogs, Sadie's Rules, Shy dogs