Boulder Dog

Answer, “You don’t!”  I laughed. I was sitting in the front row of a week-end long presentation by dog trainer, behaviorist , and author extraordinare, Jean Donaldson, at the Humane Society of Boulder  Valley last fall (2008). Jean presented a litany of offenses that humans, with the best of intentions, commit against unsuspecting canines. I cringed as she went down her list.

1. Neglect to ask the dog’s person for permission to meet their dog. GUILTY

2. Reach over the dog’s head and pat, pat, pat. GUILTY

3. Put your face up close to the dog’s face and coo, “Gimme a kiss.” GUILTY.

4. Spot a dog you want to meet, make direct, unblinking eye contact, and quicken your step as you walk directly toward the dog while making high- pitched vocalizations. GUILTY

5. You see an irresistible bundle of fur and walk up to the dog from the rear and enthusiastically rub his or her cute little tush. GUILTY

6. Approach a dog by looking directly at her and as you near  with your arms extended clap, clap, clap your hands or click your fingers right at the dog’s face. GUILTY

7. You see a sweet dog laying down. You crouch over at the waist, outstretch your arm and very slowly slink toward the dog while looking directly into her eyes. GUILTY

8. Assume that because you love dogs, all dogs love you too, and that you possess a special affinity for dogs and they with you and therefore you can forego the formalities that ordinary humans should observe. GUILTY

Guilty…and lucky. Any one of these situations could have ended in disaster for me and maybe, unfortunately, for the poor unsuspecting dog.

Try this. Ask a friend or your partner or your child to walk directly and towards you, face to face from across the room. She should surprise you. Catch you unawares. She should look directly at you, especially at your eyes, as she approaches, intent on her target–your cute little head. She can grin or not. When she reaches you she should take her hand and rapidly swish it past your eyes, over your forehead, and pat, pat, pat you on the head. If your friend is shorter than you, tell her to do this when you are sitting so as not to deprive you of the feeling of being loomed over and blindsided by her hand. Go on, try it.

My partner takes top honors for stealth. We had talked about this little experiment on a Sunday. Life intervened. I forgot we had had the conversation. On the following Wednesday, he rapidly approached, flashed his hand past my eyes and  pat, pat, patted my head. I ducked, scrunched my face in disgust and pulled my head away. He continued to stare, smiling and squealing how cute I was and then pat, pat, patted again. I ducked again and backed farther away. If I had canines for teeth I might have been tempted to flash them and growl to warn him off. And I know this man. Imagine if I didn’t!

Well that’s pretty much what our dog’s experience. Of course, some dogs like some people are easy-going and forgiving. Everything seems to roll off their backs, or heads, as the case may be. Some dogs, like my Sadie, are shy and reserved and it’s possible every rude encounter from which she recoils reinforces that people and their waving hands are not safe. Not the lesson I want her to take away. Other dogs respond to being rudely intruded upon with a snarl or a snap. Not good. Still others, like Sadie’s poodle friend, Romeo appears to be indignant. “Where are your manners?” he seems to be sneering as he pulls his head away and looks at you as if you are from another planet, which in a way you are. 

That’s Jean Donaldson’s point. Dogs have their own language and protocols for meeting strange dogs (and people) and it’s high time we learned what they are. After all, it just doesn’t seem fair that the full burden of figuring out how to live with another species should fall entirely on our dogs. We need to hold up our end of the relationship. The least most of us would do if we were entertaining house guests from another culture, say, China, would be to learn how to say ni hao (nee-Ha-OW), hello in Mandarin. Likewise, we can be good-will ambassadors to the world of our furry friends by, at a minimum, by learning to greet a stranger.

So, back to our question, “How do you greet a strange dog?” Here are some do’s and don’ts:

1. Don’t approach the dog. Pretend you are ignoring the dog. (Dogs, like many of us, prefer not to be zeroed in on by a stranger. Have you ever noticed how well-mannered dogs meeting for the first time turn their heads away from each other?)

2.  Ask the dog’s person for permission to meet their dog. Let’s say she say’s “yes”. (Does this need an explanation?)

3. Stay relaxed. You can yawn, or put on a easy smile, or slowly blink your eye lids. Keep you body loose. (All these signal to the dog that you are not a threat. Dogs display a loosey, goosey body, an open smiling face, and turned head to tell another dog, “Hey, I’m cool. No need to worry.” )

4. Do not look the dog in the eyes. (Eye contact signals trustworthiness to most Westerners, to the dog, not so much. It signals aggression or threat.)

5. Turn your body so you are not facing the dog. (Again, being face-to-face is polite to most of us, but can signal threat or aggressive intentions to a dog. Notice well-mannered dogs greeting each other. As they approach they make a half-moon curve as they pass each other then turn nose to butt with one another. Then they are on their way or continue interacting and sometimes move into play.)

6. Stand straight or squat. Do not crouch over the dog. (I doubt you want to be crouched over by a stranger and neither does your dog. It’s threatening.)

7. Allow the dog to come to you. Most dogs are naturally curious and they will let you know if they are interested in you. Ever notice how your dog might be interested in some dogs and others they stay away from? Same with people. Just don’t take it personally.

8. If the dog does show interest–sniffing you, relaxed posture, tail wag (not all dogs will wag and not all wagging is friendly), sometimes looking at you with soft eyes–then you can slowly offer the dog your hand for investigation. (Hmm, this human might be okay.)

9. Let the dog sniff your hand, if she wants to, and then gently touch the dog on the shoulder, neck or chest, not the top of the head.

10. The dog will clearly tell you if she wants more interaction or if she is  finished with you. Listen to her.

11. If at any time during the interaction the dog pulls away, stop what you are doing. 

12. Go back to ignoring the dog and allow her come back to you, if she so chooses.

There are, of course, wiggly, wagging dogs who’s mission in life it seems is to meet and greet everyone with great enthusiasm. We’re bound to have encountered such dogs. I know I have, after all I live in Boulder, Colorado which must  be the Labrador Retriever capitol of the world. (I don’t know this for a fact. It just seems that way.) So, unless a dog is loudly signaling that they’ve mistaken you for a long lost friend, mind your manners.

In fact, mind your manners anyway. Just because a dog approaches you in a friendly way, usually out of curiosity, do not assume all the rules of dogdom protocol are out of the window. That dog could still recoil at your direct stare and your big fat paw on it’s head. Think about it. Dogs with good manners never greet another dog by bopping it on the head with their paw. And neither should we.

Tags: Dog behavior, Dogs, Fearful dogs, Greeting dogs, Jean Donaldson